You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters by Kate   Murphy
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Hey there!--are you listening?--this is an excellent read and will be worth your time. Are you hearing me, or too busy trying to multitask with your laptop/iPad/iPhone while also "talking" to someone else you're now having coffee & a "conversation" with somewhere? Maybe virtually?

Murphy has done a great service through this book for people & their relationships. She very deftly & interestingly points out all the research showing how critical it is that we listen to each other--and the benefits this will have it ours & our friends' lives. There is a dearth of listening--these days more than ever before. Too many distractions; too much distortion! Put that phone in your pocket, please! Or in your purse or backpack! Don't even leave it on the table when you're meeting & conversing with someone. Show them some respect and give them your full attention. And, shut up sometimes for awhile; yes, don't jump in & cut people off before they've finished sharing their story or thoughts. And, don't sit there "zoning out" and thinking about your next story or retort or reply...or statement that you think will show how smart & hip you are. Just chill, man! Then, when you actually answer & speak up--and I'm surely talking to myself here as well!--you might just have something really relevant to say, which just might truly encourage your conversation partner and take your relationship (whatever it is) to a deeper, more meaningful level.

Remember that "the ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus said, “Nature hath given men one tongue but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak.”

As Murphy so wisely states: "To really listen is to be moved physically, chemically, emotionally, and intellectually by another person’s narrative...Reading this book, you’ll discover—as I did—that listening goes beyond just hearing what people say. It’s also paying attention to how they say it and what they do while they are saying it, in what context, and how what they say resonates within
you. It’s not about simply holding your peace while someone else holds forth. Quite the opposite. A lot of listening has to do with how you respond—the degree to which you elicit clear expression of another person’s thoughts and, in the process, crystallize your own."

Well put, as is pretty much the whole book. I borrowed this book from the library; read it on my Kindle. And have a lot to now seek to actively put into practice.


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